Last year, after wrapping up a series of executive coaching sessions for a mid-sized company based in Dallas, the CEO invited me to join him for lunch. We decided on a steakhouse just down the street. Now, being a vegetarian, I wasn’t particularly excited about the menu, but I’m not much of a foodie, so I figured it would be a great opportunity to connect over a meal.
As we sat down, our conversation flowed from life’s little nuances to the broader economic landscape. It was one of those discussions that was both enlightening and productive. However, the experience took an unexpected turn as we made our way to the cashier to settle the bill. The cashier was noticeably rude and seemed disinterested in providing even a basic level of customer service. It was a stark contrast to the CEO’s demeanor—he greeted the cashier with a smile, handed over his credit card, and wished him a great day, despite the lack of a friendly response.
As we walked back to our cars, curiosity got the best of me. I asked the CEO if he had noticed the cashier’s unpleasant attitude. “Oh, absolutely,” he replied, “he’s always like that. Every time I come here.” Surprised, I asked why he continued to be so polite in the face of such rudeness. His answer was simple yet profound: “Because I am in control.”
That moment resonated with me deeply. It highlighted an important lesson that each of us needs to remember: the importance of being in control of our own mindset and responses, regardless of external circumstances.
The Power of Starting Your Day Right:
Every morning when you wake up, your brain is at its peak, with your subconscious mind most impressionable. The first 20 minutes can set the tone for your entire day. If you fill that time with positivity and self-reflection, you'll expand your vision of yourself and maintain control over your emotions and responses throughout the day.
As leaders, we're constantly interacting with various people, just like the CEO who frequently encountered the rude cashier. It's crucial to develop ourselves so that we don't let others hijack our day, our agenda, our goals, or our dreams. Without this self-control, we risk becoming reactive, letting anger or frustration dictate our actions, and feeling that life is somehow unfair or stacked against us.
But when you work on yourself, you gain a powerful sense of control over your day, your emotions, your health, and your relationships. This control isn't about suppressing feelings or pretending everything is fine. It's about choosing how to respond in a way that aligns with your goals and values.
Leadership and the Energy We Project:
As leaders, there’s an expectation for us to manage stakeholders, innovate, make tough decisions, and inspire our teams. The state in which we operate each day greatly impacts our work culture and environment. I’ve often talked about the concept of bioenergetics, which suggests that energy flows through living systems. This means our energy, whether high or low, influences everyone we interact with.
Human energy is contagious. Your energy can determine the success of a meeting, the tone of a workday, and even the overall culture of your organization. If you’re dealing with a difficult boss or a challenging team member, it’s essential to ensure that their negative energy doesn’t consume you. You have to be proactive in controlling your own energy, choosing either to engage positively or to step away when necessary.
Taking Responsibility for Your Energy:
The power of control lies in taking responsibility for the energy you bring to every situation. You have a choice: you can match someone else’s negative energy, attempt to change it, or simply walk away. But to make these choices effectively, you need to be in control of yourself.
For over 15 years, I’ve coached executives and senior leaders on how to master their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. This self-mastery is fundamental because it puts the power back in your hands. As a leader, having a strong internal locus of control is crucial. In my recent book, Win the Leadership Game, Every Time, I discuss simple self-optimization techniques to help you start your day right.
When you practice these techniques, you'll find your productivity increasing, stress decreasing, and overall well-being improving. Your morning routine can have a significant impact, setting off a chain reaction that affects your entire day and, ultimately, your performance at work.
Start Being in Control of Your Life:
In the end, being in control is about making conscious choices that align with your values and goals. It’s about setting the tone for your day, managing your energy, and not letting external factors dictate your mood or your actions. So start today—take control of your life, and see the difference it makes.
Your Good Friend + Mentor
Payal Nanjiani
Leadership Expert | Author| Executive Coach
You can listen to the full episode on The Payal Nanjiani Leadership Podcast, available on all podcast channels including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Google Podcasts.
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