Let me give you a couple of incidents from my clients life as well as the life of the people and leaders who I have been associated with.
The first one is about Tanya. Year was 2015 .She worked at one of the premier luxury magazines in London and this was the year when the current editor was resigning and must choose his successor. Tanya had been aiming for this position and had worked tirelessly toward it. She was smart, talented ,she was certain that she deserved this position and she had a great relationship with this editor as well as those in his inner circle. So on 25th of June,2015 ,the editor announced Harry as his new successor. Tanya was extremely upset at being passed over for the promotion and began feeling disheartened and frustrated. She started asking what’s the point of all my efforts if they are just going to pass right over me after all I have sacrificed and this is what I get. This is the third time that they have done this to me here. She began developing a feeling of hatred toward the new editor and would often be found at the office in a very sulky mood. And anyone who spoke to her would hear her revisit the unfair promotion incident bringing in the past to similar incidents.
She really struggled to deal with her emotions and it’s been three years since the incident now. She has moved jobs and yet she feels depressed and experiences the pain. For some of us listening to this real life incident would mean little, for many who nurtured dreams of growth , promotion, success, this comes as a huge blow to their professional life.
A similar case was for Marshal. Marshal experienced tremendous pain when he was constantly losing clients to competitors despite all the work and talent. Eventually, after 8 years ,he had to shut down his business. The pain of feeling like a loser just persisted inside of him. And it also happened with Sangeeta who faced racism at work despite being a great Java developer. What about Irene, let me tell you about her. She is a gynecologist who had to leave her well established practice in London to move to Beijing, China, where her husband was offered a job position. The pain of loneliness and being unfulfilled just took her to depression.
Emotional pain is often buried deep within us and its consequences are seen in your actions and results. You will see lack of productivity, unresolved workplace conflicts, broken communication, micromanagement, mistrust, professional grudges and other negative behaviors. If you look around at your workplace, what do you see? Do you not see unresolved interpersonal conflicts, broken communication, broken relationships, stress, mistrust, micromanagement, gossip, harassment and no motivation?
The reason is deep rooted and it lies in the emotional pain that people endure and they carry it to their workplace. Of course no one talks about this since the workplace is seen as an environment where employees are meant to maintain a façade of hardworking focused perfection. We work in a culture that makes accommodation for physical pain but expects everyone to deal with their emotional pain on their own time while continuing to get up, drive to work ,achieve deadlines and goals, complete assignments , motivate teams and act as if they are leading a fulfilled working life.
When you feel emotional pain, the same area of your brain gets activated as when you feel the physical pain. Emotional pain affects us at a cellular level, turning on and off the genes related to our immune system. Even neuroscience has proven that the human mind is built to avoid pain and see happiness.
It’s important that as a leader you know how to manage your emotional pain and how to heal any emotional pain. You can’t afford to carry this emotional baggage and expect to deliver great results.
Listen to this podcast episode below to learn more about how to deal with Pain and how to transform the pain into your purpose:
I hope this helps in your journey towards success.
Your Friend + Mentor
Date : 9 January, 2023