The Leadership Skill That Matters Most
When I coach senior executives or speak with experienced leaders, I often ask them a simple question: What is the one skill that has the greatest impact on your career?
The answers are usually predictable: strategy, planning, execution, decision-making, communication, vision, and purpose. And rightly so. All these skills are important. But after more than two decades of coaching leaders, my answer has evolved. The one skill I believe can have a greater impact on your career than almost any other is your ability to get along with people of every kind.
And I emphasize the word every. Not just people who think like you, share your interests, or agree with your opinions, but also those whose personalities, perspectives, and working styles are very different from your own.
As you move higher in your career, success becomes less about what you know and increasingly about who trusts you, supports your ideas, recommends you, and is willing to follow your leadership. I have seen exceptionally talented executives miss out on promotions because they struggled to build relationships. I have also seen leaders with average technical abilities rise to remarkable levels of success because people trusted and respected them.
At senior levels, expertise may get you to a certain point, but your relationships often determine how much further you go. After all, leadership is influence, and influence is built one relationship at a time.
Stop Judging People. Start Understanding Them.
One thing I frequently observe among leaders is how quickly they label people as difficult, uncooperative, or hard to work with. Instead of spending time deciding whether someone is good or bad, I encourage leaders to ask a different question: What might be driving this person's behavior?
Every person you meet is carrying something you cannot see. Someone who appears resistant may be afraid of change. A stakeholder who constantly challenges your ideas may be under enormous pressure. A colleague who comes across as arrogant or distant may be dealing with personal insecurities, while a client who seems difficult to satisfy may simply want to feel heard.
Of course, we cannot always know what is behind someone's behavior. But rather than jumping to conclusions, we can choose to be curious and try to understand their perspective. The moment we stop judging and start understanding, the way we lead begins to change. We become more thoughtful in our responses, more effective in our conversations, and better at building trust.
Another mistake leaders make is expecting everyone to think and work the way they do. But leadership is not about creating copies of yourself. It is about bringing together people with different personalities, cultures, experiences, and perspectives to work towards a common purpose. The people who disagree with you may sometimes help you see what you have missed. Influence does not come from winning every argument; it comes from understanding the person standing in front of you.
Getting Along Does Not Mean Agreeing with Everyone
Let me clarify something important. Getting along with people does not mean pleasing everyone, avoiding difficult conversations, or compromising your values. It means learning to disagree without disrespect, staying calm under pressure, listening before reacting, and separating the person from the problem. You can hold people accountable and maintain high standards while still treating them with empathy and respect.
The reality is that we do not always get to choose the people we work with. You may not choose your boss, clients, colleagues, peers, or stakeholders, but you can choose how you respond to them. You can react with frustration or approach the situation with curiosity. You can allow differences to create distance, or you can make an effort to build a better working relationship. Over time, these everyday choices shape the kind of leader you become.
Some of the best CEOs I have worked with have a remarkable ability to walk into a room, navigate conflict, build trust, and influence people without relying solely on their authority. They understand that leadership is not just about directing people; it is about bringing them together around a shared purpose.
This matters because every business depends on people working together.
Strategies need collaboration, ideas need support, and decisions require alignment. When relationships are weak, even the best plans can struggle. When trust is strong, people are more willing to communicate openly, work through disagreements, and support one another. Our careers, too, are shaped by the relationships we build along the way.
Ask a Better Question
The next time you catch yourself thinking, “This person is so difficult,” pause for a moment. Instead of labelling the person, ask yourself: What does this person need from me as a leader right now? What might they be going through that I need to understand?
Perhaps they need clarity, reassurance, or simply an opportunity to express their concerns. Perhaps there is a genuine disagreement that needs to be addressed. You may not always get it right, but asking these questions gives you a better starting point than frustration or judgment.
Understanding someone's behavior does not mean accepting everything they do. It means making the effort to understand before deciding how to respond. As leaders, we are not here to change everyone into the person we want them to be. We are here to bring out the best in people, even when they may not yet see that potential in themselves.
For me, the ability to understand people and build relationships is one of the most important qualities a leader can develop. When people feel understood and respected, they are more likely to trust you, work with you, and support your ideas. They begin to value not just your intelligence or expertise, but also the person you are.
So, in your next interaction with someone you find difficult, try not to label them too quickly. Listen a little longer, ask another question, and make an effort to see things from their perspective. You may be surprised by how much it changes the conversation.
Because the ability to get along with people of every kind is not just a soft skill; it is a defining leadership skill. And sometimes, the difference between being a talented professional and becoming a truly effective leader lies in how well you understand the people around you.
Your Good Friend and Coach
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